Associative Press Bankers in Need, Americans Unite! - Associative Press

By Gar Harris
December 21st, 2009


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The Holiday Season is a time for giving. It is a time to remember those of us in need. Let us not forget the outpouring of charity in 2008, when the bank’s mismanagement of money led to some of the worst bonuses in history, and how quickly we united to take all of the extra money we weren’t using to make this season more profitable for them. Even now, after a year of giving and giving, many of the top executives are only making 11 digit bonuses this year.
We thought dumping vast sums of cash on them would alleviate our woes. It made so much sense at the time, they were so poor at handling the money they had accumulated, we had to give them all of ours to make them feel better. We couldn’t give the money to poor people, they wouldn’t know what to do with it. They would probably squander it on food and housing, and have nothing to show for it besides a meal and a roof over their heads. No, only one group of people in America would even know how to spend it: the Bankers.

By handing it over to the bankers at the top, we assured ourselves that they would be taken care of. We even said we’d forego oversight and look the other way while they spent it. But it has been a year now, and they’re running out of money again. Now, we all know how easy it is to spend a trillion dollars and not notice, so the bankers obviously shouldn’t be held accountable, but we’re going to have to come up with a few more trillion for the upcoming year, or these guys are going to have to choose between a ski chalet OR a summer home being added to their extensive real estate portfolios. Let’s face it, no one wants that.

Our president is acutely aware of their comparative need, assigning only about 30 million to help home buyers who fell victim to the economy, while setting aside nearly 3 quarters of a trillion for banks to be able to adequately compensate our banking community. This represents a sharp change from Bush-era economics, where only a measly half trillion was allotted to banks. So lets open our pocketbooks to a new year, live on the street if we must, but not let even one failed bank CEO go without the 12 digit bonuses he deserves!

and be grateful for our leadership! Thanks for the change Obama!

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