The public relations costs surrounding the Gulf Oil Spill are mounting, leading BP executives to ponder whether actually attempting to clean the spill may have cost less. The strategy taken was to let the region suffer financially for some time, and then to step in and offer money to those willing to sign away rights to future law suits, which will save BP billions as the long term health effects begin to manifest. Paying people to stand around in white suits seemed to help also, for a time.
While the string of natural disasters across the world drew attention away from Gulf, BP’s luck is running thin. Statistics show that it is at least three times more expensive to convince Americans that the region is clean when there is still all that oil laying around. It has become less noticeable, as much of the oil has dissolved into the white sands to create a mottled brown mess which contrasts less with the brown balls of dispersant that wash ashore. But BP feels that it can do even more!
Paying shills to make commercials declaring the beaches clean is an important part of silencing the voices of those in the affected area. An unexpected, but nevertheless welcome “silencing of voices” also comes from a side effect of the dispersant chemicals which has been dissolving the esophagus of individuals who actually believe that Gulf Seafood is safe, and consume it. Commenting on the issue, a BP spokesman stated “We nearly have Americans convinced that we actually did something about the spill, and that is important, those hicks down there weren’t as easy to convince as we had hoped, but I think we’re making progress, the rest of America forgot about it already I’m sure”.
Oil company profits have been skyrocketing, re-assuring investors who had been led to believe that the Obama administration might favor them less than the Bush administration did. As one investor, whose clients include the fathers of both George W Bush and Osama Bin Laden, stated: “We knew what was up when Halliburton got the no-bid cleanup contracts, we were safe, it’s just like Bush had turned black or something”. Halliburton, who has had to change their name several times because of PR was estimated to have failed on more than 70% of their contracted duties in Iraq, and is looking to increase that by 25% on Gulf Oil Cleanup, which has investors believing that this will be a good presidency for them. This would have theoretically led to an all-time high earnings day, had people known what ticker to look for on the market this week.
As one Halliburton executive bragged, “this will be a great job for us, I can all but guarantee our employees won’t ride around HERE shooting people from a truck, or raping children as they do in Iraq, you wouldn’t believe the cost of keeping THAT out of the news!”