November 2nd, 2012
Willard “Mitt” Romney
- Favorite Food: Rice Cakes
- Favorite Song: Friday, by Rebecca Black
- Favorite Color: White
- Earned the nickname “Mitt” while in prison. Because, cellmate Tito said, “he fits just like a baseball glove”
- Has experience running companies into the ground and receiving large government bailouts to keep afloat.
- Is one of the 47% who does not pay taxes in this country.
- Plans to downsize the United States by declaring everyone south of the Mason-Dixon Line “Mexican” and deporting them.
Barrack “Barry” Obama
- Favorite Food: Most days, Kalua pork, which in his opinion proves he is both Hawaiian and non-Muslim. But he won’t eat it on the High Holies.
- Favorite Song: also Friday, by Rebecca Black, surprisingly.
- Favorite Color: Green.
- Earned the nickname Barry, because you can’t really go by “Barrack” in America unless you run a convenient store or drive a taxi.
- Claims to be African-American, but is alleged to be an African from America by some and an American from Africa by others.
- Plans to take as much of your money as he can before leaving office, even your change, and dispensing it to his inner friends circle who can’t seem to keep their businesses afloat without it ( now known as “the Bush Doctrine” ).